I’m featured in The Redbud Post this month, where the theme is
divorce, about which I’ve written very little.
My first pastor, and dear friend, once said in a sermon, “No one ever gets to the end of a divorce and tells me, ‘Gosh, that wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.'”
Just one of the countless times her wisdom was spot-on.
I write a lot about grief. In part, because I think it’s important to bring it out of the shadows of things we’re not supposed to talk about.
When Redbud’s theme was announced, it seemed a good time to follow my own advice.
There’s a gradual uncoupling that occurs when a marriage comes to an end. Coworkers may notice the woman who begins more sentences with “I” than “We.” Invitations once accepted are now turned down. Churchgoers may notice that a previously coupled person now attends services alone. Chances are that by the time such things are noticed, life is already complicated and painful for those involved.
People think of the big issues when imagining how someone copes with being newly divorced: sleeping alone, loss of income, and for most people, co-parenting. Those are the “expected” pitfalls. Anticipating them doesn’t make it any easier to see the empty pillow, to budget for all the bills on a single income, or to navigate painful aspects of custody. But at least they rarely come as a surprise.
For me, it was the seemingly small things that undid me. Continue reading…